The year 2018 has been a rough year for me and my beloved Oregon Ducks. Starting in 2017, Darcy told me on a few occasions that she wanted to separate after 15 years of marriage and 18 years of a loving relationship. January 1, 2018 she emailed a separation letter officially putting to rest any doubt that we were staying together as husband and wife. Ironically, my love affair with the Ducks began at the same time. Darcy, now my ex-wife, was a senior and I a first year graduate student. We met at the University of Oregon during Fall Term in November 1999. It was love at first sight. Sounds corny and pathetic, right? It’s the god honest truth. I never fell for someone so hard and fast before. I noticed her on campus and began doing intense research as any good student is trained to do. She was a picture of grace, poise, and beauty and still has a spirit and presence about her that is mesmerizing and intoxicating to this day.
In 1999, my Oregon Ducks were on the cusp of something special. Joey Harrington and Coach Belotti
were taking the football team to new heights and Coach Ernie Kent was preparing his basketball team
for March Madness. It was a harbinger to come for us a couple and my Ducks as we both enjoyed
unparalleled successful seasons. Yes, Chip Kelly you are still a God!
were taking the football team to new heights and Coach Ernie Kent was preparing his basketball team
for March Madness. It was a harbinger to come for us a couple and my Ducks as we both enjoyed
unparalleled successful seasons. Yes, Chip Kelly you are still a God!
Fast forward to 2017-18 and my separation mirrors the misfortunes of the Ducks football and basketball
seasons. Three years removed from a National Championship appearance, the Ducks had a losing season
in 2016 and clawed their way to a winning season in 2017 before being completely embarrassed in a bowl game by Boise State in 2018. The humiliation of this experience is not unlike the feeling of being told that your wife wants to leave you. In fact, Coach Willie Taggart separated after one season and left for greener pastures for Florida State. (Coach Cristobal is finally righting the ship and creating a winning culture.)
seasons. Three years removed from a National Championship appearance, the Ducks had a losing season
in 2016 and clawed their way to a winning season in 2017 before being completely embarrassed in a bowl game by Boise State in 2018. The humiliation of this experience is not unlike the feeling of being told that your wife wants to leave you. In fact, Coach Willie Taggart separated after one season and left for greener pastures for Florida State. (Coach Cristobal is finally righting the ship and creating a winning culture.)
The basketball team has had a similar trajectory. A glorious Final Four team in 2016, the current team is
struggling to find the right combination of five players on the court who will listen to Coach Altman and work
together as one cohesive unit. It’s not pretty to watch either team as they struggle to make an impact on their respective fields of play. I cringed at the thought of our friends and family watching my relationship disintegrate with Darcy in the same way. Despite lots of drama, twists and turns, long talks in the middle of the night, and two stints of marriage counseling, this was a very big loss in the win - loss column.
struggling to find the right combination of five players on the court who will listen to Coach Altman and work
together as one cohesive unit. It’s not pretty to watch either team as they struggle to make an impact on their respective fields of play. I cringed at the thought of our friends and family watching my relationship disintegrate with Darcy in the same way. Despite lots of drama, twists and turns, long talks in the middle of the night, and two stints of marriage counseling, this was a very big loss in the win - loss column.
Sports Culture: An Acquired Taste
I have been an avid sports nut growing up in the sports crazed Philadelphia area. Darcy, on the other
hand, is clueless about sports, pop culture, and doesn’t buy into sports culture. This one aspect of our lives
and the different approach to life and recreation should have been a tell tale sign that we weren’t meant to
be together long term. Having different tastes in music and food is one thing, but if you have two people
who don’t enjoy a good game on TV let alone attend a game or two, then that’s an issue. Darcy actually
played sports in high school so I had high hopes that this would translate into more interest in sports.
Darcy played along for the first few years, but the last five years it was apparent her interested was fake at
best and she wanted nothing to do with it unless our kids were playing in the game.
hand, is clueless about sports, pop culture, and doesn’t buy into sports culture. This one aspect of our lives
and the different approach to life and recreation should have been a tell tale sign that we weren’t meant to
be together long term. Having different tastes in music and food is one thing, but if you have two people
who don’t enjoy a good game on TV let alone attend a game or two, then that’s an issue. Darcy actually
played sports in high school so I had high hopes that this would translate into more interest in sports.
Darcy played along for the first few years, but the last five years it was apparent her interested was fake at
best and she wanted nothing to do with it unless our kids were playing in the game.
Box Out & Rebound!
If you’ve watched the Ducks basketball team there is one blatant deficiency: rebounding. Basketball teams
that can’t rebound are doomed to fail. I need to take this lesson to heart and rebound myself from a
devastating period of my life. In so many ways, I need to reboot my life with a new purpose and passion.
I turned 49 this month and I’m going to start my life over. I’m making plans to visit New Zealand for my 50th
birthday to hike the Milford Track and visit Hobbiton among many other thing s to see and do in this
beautiful island country. I'm creating a new life around my personal goals. It’s time to follow my heart and
make decisions based on passion and life purpose and everything else will follow suit.
that can’t rebound are doomed to fail. I need to take this lesson to heart and rebound myself from a
devastating period of my life. In so many ways, I need to reboot my life with a new purpose and passion.
I turned 49 this month and I’m going to start my life over. I’m making plans to visit New Zealand for my 50th
birthday to hike the Milford Track and visit Hobbiton among many other thing s to see and do in this
beautiful island country. I'm creating a new life around my personal goals. It’s time to follow my heart and
make decisions based on passion and life purpose and everything else will follow suit.
Love is not a Spectator Sport
I love watching sports just like the next guy but I like it on so many other levels. It teaches a lot of life
lessons about perseverance, teamwork, shared sacrifice, and competing at your best even if you’re not at
your best. It’s why I choose to coach and volunteer in youth sports and youth development. Darcy and I
forgot that we were on the same team. Heck, we weren’t even playing on the same field in the same sport.
We had competing priorities, didn’t share the same vision of success, and couldn’t agree on how to parent
our wonderful kids. Add Darcy’s interest in a polyamorous lifestyle and you can see the future clearly even
if it’s staring you in the face and don’t want to call a desperate timeout to change the outcome of the game.
One of my favorite sayings is there is no “I” in team, but there is an “E” in We. Darcy was clearly playing
for a different team - or I hate to admit this - playing for herself. My team included the kids, Darcy, and our
extended families. I hope to one day I can find someone who understands the concept to teamwork and
doesn’t mind watching a few games from time to time. It's the kind of drama I can get behind in my new life.
lessons about perseverance, teamwork, shared sacrifice, and competing at your best even if you’re not at
your best. It’s why I choose to coach and volunteer in youth sports and youth development. Darcy and I
forgot that we were on the same team. Heck, we weren’t even playing on the same field in the same sport.
We had competing priorities, didn’t share the same vision of success, and couldn’t agree on how to parent
our wonderful kids. Add Darcy’s interest in a polyamorous lifestyle and you can see the future clearly even
if it’s staring you in the face and don’t want to call a desperate timeout to change the outcome of the game.
One of my favorite sayings is there is no “I” in team, but there is an “E” in We. Darcy was clearly playing
for a different team - or I hate to admit this - playing for herself. My team included the kids, Darcy, and our
extended families. I hope to one day I can find someone who understands the concept to teamwork and
doesn’t mind watching a few games from time to time. It's the kind of drama I can get behind in my new life.
