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| My journal...I loved this book as a child |
January 31, 2009
Today is Kieran's 3rd Birthday, and tomorrow Makenna will be one week old. I feel very blessed by such wonderful children. As I've said about Kieran for some time now, Kieran is as beautiful on the inside as he is on the outside. I can already tell that I will feel the same way as she grows into a little girl and eventually a woman.
Kieran is so excited to have a little sister, and gives her kisses at every opportunity. He is mostly very gentle, although we do have to remind him to be more like Pooh and less like Tigger. We can already tell that he will be a protective big brother. During Makenna's first bath she let out one of her first big cries, and he literally burst into tears crying along with her. Then suddenly he remembered the advice that we gave him so that he won't cry in the bath, and he started telling her "I close my eyes! I close my eyes!" It was just so sweet that I couldn't help but laugh and smile even though they were both crying.
Kevin, or shall I say "Daddy" is also quite enamored by his new baby girl. He immediately took to calling Makenna "Sweets" and "Sweetie" and of course Kieran now loves to call her that too. He makes googly eyes at her any time she is awake, which isn't much still.
Naturally, I am in awe too. It is simply amazing that just last week I had this little person growing inside me. She is absolutely perfect, and I am so happy to be the mother of such beautiful children.
2/3/2009
I'm snuggling with Makenna this morning, and her soft little body is nestled warmly in my arm. Kevin and Kieran went back to work and school. Thus in some ways it feels as though this is the when my true maternity leave is here, and I can spend time just caring for Makenna. We also had fun showing her off at Kieran's school, and I'll be visiting Kevin's office and perhaps mine today.
Beyond snuggling with my baby girl, I have three main goals during my leave. First, I want to plan our summer camping trips and other family activities. Second, I want to develop a better system for meal planning to help making dinners easier once I'm back to work. Third, I would like to start our garden, begin a permaculture plan, and revive our compost pile. OK, maybe that's more that 3...
4/18/2009
Makenna is 12 weeks old today. She is growing fast already, and I find myself savoring her freshness. She is no longer a true newborn, and becoming more aware of the world around her each day, and she likes it. :-) Makenna is a very smiley baby, amazingly so really. Kieran was too, but its wonderful to witness the pure grins and giggles anew.
Kieran is also growing fast, it seems to be the trend in our household lately. His vocabulary is exploding, and he is genuinely polite. He's been at Grandma and Papa Roger's for the past week, and they agreed that they haven't laughed so much in a very long time. He is certainly an entertainer.
Kevin and I sure enjoyed a few days with just Makenna. Being with her just makes like feel so peaceful and easy going, because that's just how she is. She's likely to be a talker like her brother, but for now we enjoy the peace and coos.
5/10/2009
Today was Mother's Day, and while I've had three as a mom already, this one felt more special than ever. Makenna woke up at six like clockwork, but Kieran let us fall back asleep until after 6:30. He was especially lovey-dovey to Makenna and I as Kevin showered. Then the boys headed downstairs to make breakfast. Watching them sift flour and pour buttermilk together was just too precious.
I feel just so extraordinarily blessed by my children, husband and life. I couldn't imagine better kids, because even when they test us, I know that we are all growing. I can only imagine what mother's day will be like when Kieran is 6 and Makenna is 3. I look forward to those times, but I am certainly savoring the moments now.
5/17/2009
Our family officially became members of Grace Memorial today, and it feels like a perfect choice for us. They are very family friendly and spiritually it feels like the right place. I have been moved by every service we have been to, and love how open hearted the faith is there. I truly hope and believe that Kieran and Makenna will thrive there as they learn about and discover their own spirituality.
I think that it is really important that our family has a place and time set aside to join in community to contemplate our connection to the whole of life.
Today was especially serendipitous, because the theme was about loving and respecting the Earth and included worship outside and around the church. It couldn't have been better, and the kids were adorable. :-)
7/8/09
I'm feeling a wave of tingly exhaustion after a long day at work, and fun evening out. Kieran is at my parents' place for the week with his cousins River and Joshy. I've talked with him several times and it sounds like he's having a great time.
We are enjoying our first true time with just Makenna. She is an absolute sweetheart and so much fun to care for. Her big smile melts my heart, and she loves using her hands to touch your face.
We also enjoyed some time as a couple tonight and went to see a talk by Bill Sullivan, our favorite hiking guide/author. There has been a lot of wilderness finally designated lately, and he showed lots of slides and trails to explore. Definitely inspiring, I signed up to be members, and look forward to being active as the kids grow up. I feel like we've really been laying the foundation of our values for the future and actively engaging in the things we care about. That feels good. I like being generous, and it really doesn't require that much to feel like you've done something. Although I think stepping outside your comfort zone is really the way to grow.
Plus our garden...just finished watering. :-)
9/3/09
Today has been kind of a crazy day, but I don't feel like focusing on the work-related reflection right now.
I'm thinking a lot about the kids' stages right now, and how fleeting they are...for better and worse. Makenna has been teething really bad, and we're all feeling a bit worn down from lack of sleep. It's hard to not have her be her normal smiling, happy self. Her first tooth came in last week and we've had a roller coaster with a snotty nose and fevers ever since.
Kieran has suddenly reached a whole new level of curiosity, and asks "why?" for virtually everything. I remember this stage from kids that I babysat growing up, but now that he's hit it, I'm remembering the extreme amount of patience this stage requires. You want to answer every question and teach them about the world, but there are also times when it feels like you can't breath without being asked WHY?
The best moment of the day was bathtime . It was Makenna's first bath in the big tub...Kieran and I joined her. We called it a bath party and it was lots of fun. I kind of wish we couldn't have taken a photo...certainly a very special memory that I hope to keep clear in my mind forever.
11/25/09
It's Thanksgiving Eve, and I feel so thankful for everything in my life. Makenna is ten months today. Kieran is back to being a healthy little boy after the worst flu bug I've ever witnessed. Kevin has been especially loving and helpful the past few months, and this Saturday we are celebrating 10 years since our first date. It seems like a lifetime ago, and I can only imagine what we will be able to create in another decade together.
Work is going well, but I'm also thankful to have four days of rest from being a full-time working mom. Life is very good, but this mini-vacation feels well deserved. I will sped more time than normal reflecting on all that I'm thankful for...
6/3/11
Kids grow and life can change so fast. It's been almost a month since Wally passed away, and it's been a life altering experience in so many ways. I've decided that I wan to have a third child. I'm not sure exactly the reason, but my heart feels more open and ready to give. I can also see more clearly the impact of one person on the whole sphere, and regardless of the environmental impact of having one more person on the planet, I feel certain that I have the capacity to raise a child who will do more good than harm in the world.
I also want to have another child because our kids would love to have another sibling to bond and grow up with. Kieran has been pleading with us for some time now, and it's really impossible to resist. No doubt Makenna's life will change when she's no longer the baby, but it will only make her stronger and more able. I also feel like Kevin and I have been parenting long enough to take another child in stride. Plus, financially we'll now be able to afford it. Let's face it, families are expensive.
I also want to work part time, and feel like I'll be able to live my life more fully and not sacrifice my highest goals to a 40 hour week. Plus, parenting is tiring after 10 hours away from home 4-5 days a week. I don't want to race through life and like I can hardly keep up.
I'm really happy in life right now, but I'm truly excited about our next chapter as a family.
11/13/13
Incredible. I just reread all of my previous entries over a cup of coffee with 11 week old Teagan nursing and now napping on my lap. It is truly remarkable to think and feel the few moments of motherhood that I've captured here so far. I only wish that I had written more, but I feel like I have another chance with a snuggly newborn.
So many feelings, so much to say, yet I know word really can't convey the joy I've felt in the past 12 weeks. With the exception of a few relatively minor hiccups, and one epicly rough day (me on crutches, Kevin with a kidney stone and Makenna holding Teagan upside down until I gave her nurse maid's elbow trying to rescue her...) our family has never functioned so smoothly, gracefully and joyously. I've had a few moments of stress and doubt, but few and far between. What's more is that I feel like this is a brand new beginning for us, and even though we've each had moments of regret, we are communicating openly about them and working as a team to make sure we don't repeat reactive habits (as much as possible!) And we are doing a better job of supporting each other. It doesn't mean that just this morning we had a vicious name-calling session (following a beautiful "Good Morning to..." song with snuggies, then dance/video party with our friends Jack, Brett and Michael Franti :-) but I have faith that by the time Teagan is their age (hopefully younger!) such blow ups will only happen rarely over things they really care about (not who is closest to the new constructed Lego castle at breakfast...I know, my fault for letting them bring toys to the table...)
Truthfully, I only feel guilty that Kevin still have to go to work each day...he wasn't feeling well this morning, but felt like he had to go in because he's missed so much. I know he's so work oriented that he needs that sense of satisfaction, I only wish that it could be dong something driven by him...watch out when that day comes...
As for me, I feel like that day has come. I took a full month of maternity leave together with Kevin, but when I started back in I felt so ready to go. It didn't matter that I was slightly sleep deprived...in fact last night I actually didn't sleep a wink! And even though there are moments of feeling overwhelmed or self-doubting, I still quickly snap out of it, realizing how incredibly amazing it is to be creating the life of my deepest desires and wildest imagination. I have absolute faith that I am laying the foundation for my life's work and calling. I may not yet know exactly what that will look like, and there will no doubt be life lessons along the way, but I am confident I have already begun to sow more seeds of beauty, joy and grace that I can even fathom. Just looking into the eyes of my children tells me this truth.
I feel like I could write all day, but alas there is laundry to do on top of a laundry list(s) :-) Suffice to say, I'm loving this gig...laundry and all.
5/17/2009
Our family officially became members of Grace Memorial today, and it feels like a perfect choice for us. They are very family friendly and spiritually it feels like the right place. I have been moved by every service we have been to, and love how open hearted the faith is there. I truly hope and believe that Kieran and Makenna will thrive there as they learn about and discover their own spirituality.
I think that it is really important that our family has a place and time set aside to join in community to contemplate our connection to the whole of life.
Today was especially serendipitous, because the theme was about loving and respecting the Earth and included worship outside and around the church. It couldn't have been better, and the kids were adorable. :-)
7/8/09
I'm feeling a wave of tingly exhaustion after a long day at work, and fun evening out. Kieran is at my parents' place for the week with his cousins River and Joshy. I've talked with him several times and it sounds like he's having a great time.
We are enjoying our first true time with just Makenna. She is an absolute sweetheart and so much fun to care for. Her big smile melts my heart, and she loves using her hands to touch your face.
We also enjoyed some time as a couple tonight and went to see a talk by Bill Sullivan, our favorite hiking guide/author. There has been a lot of wilderness finally designated lately, and he showed lots of slides and trails to explore. Definitely inspiring, I signed up to be members, and look forward to being active as the kids grow up. I feel like we've really been laying the foundation of our values for the future and actively engaging in the things we care about. That feels good. I like being generous, and it really doesn't require that much to feel like you've done something. Although I think stepping outside your comfort zone is really the way to grow.
Plus our garden...just finished watering. :-)
9/3/09
Today has been kind of a crazy day, but I don't feel like focusing on the work-related reflection right now.
I'm thinking a lot about the kids' stages right now, and how fleeting they are...for better and worse. Makenna has been teething really bad, and we're all feeling a bit worn down from lack of sleep. It's hard to not have her be her normal smiling, happy self. Her first tooth came in last week and we've had a roller coaster with a snotty nose and fevers ever since.
Kieran has suddenly reached a whole new level of curiosity, and asks "why?" for virtually everything. I remember this stage from kids that I babysat growing up, but now that he's hit it, I'm remembering the extreme amount of patience this stage requires. You want to answer every question and teach them about the world, but there are also times when it feels like you can't breath without being asked WHY?
The best moment of the day was bathtime . It was Makenna's first bath in the big tub...Kieran and I joined her. We called it a bath party and it was lots of fun. I kind of wish we couldn't have taken a photo...certainly a very special memory that I hope to keep clear in my mind forever.
11/25/09
It's Thanksgiving Eve, and I feel so thankful for everything in my life. Makenna is ten months today. Kieran is back to being a healthy little boy after the worst flu bug I've ever witnessed. Kevin has been especially loving and helpful the past few months, and this Saturday we are celebrating 10 years since our first date. It seems like a lifetime ago, and I can only imagine what we will be able to create in another decade together.
Work is going well, but I'm also thankful to have four days of rest from being a full-time working mom. Life is very good, but this mini-vacation feels well deserved. I will sped more time than normal reflecting on all that I'm thankful for...
6/3/11
Kids grow and life can change so fast. It's been almost a month since Wally passed away, and it's been a life altering experience in so many ways. I've decided that I wan to have a third child. I'm not sure exactly the reason, but my heart feels more open and ready to give. I can also see more clearly the impact of one person on the whole sphere, and regardless of the environmental impact of having one more person on the planet, I feel certain that I have the capacity to raise a child who will do more good than harm in the world.
I also want to have another child because our kids would love to have another sibling to bond and grow up with. Kieran has been pleading with us for some time now, and it's really impossible to resist. No doubt Makenna's life will change when she's no longer the baby, but it will only make her stronger and more able. I also feel like Kevin and I have been parenting long enough to take another child in stride. Plus, financially we'll now be able to afford it. Let's face it, families are expensive.
I also want to work part time, and feel like I'll be able to live my life more fully and not sacrifice my highest goals to a 40 hour week. Plus, parenting is tiring after 10 hours away from home 4-5 days a week. I don't want to race through life and like I can hardly keep up.
I'm really happy in life right now, but I'm truly excited about our next chapter as a family.
11/13/13
Incredible. I just reread all of my previous entries over a cup of coffee with 11 week old Teagan nursing and now napping on my lap. It is truly remarkable to think and feel the few moments of motherhood that I've captured here so far. I only wish that I had written more, but I feel like I have another chance with a snuggly newborn.
So many feelings, so much to say, yet I know word really can't convey the joy I've felt in the past 12 weeks. With the exception of a few relatively minor hiccups, and one epicly rough day (me on crutches, Kevin with a kidney stone and Makenna holding Teagan upside down until I gave her nurse maid's elbow trying to rescue her...) our family has never functioned so smoothly, gracefully and joyously. I've had a few moments of stress and doubt, but few and far between. What's more is that I feel like this is a brand new beginning for us, and even though we've each had moments of regret, we are communicating openly about them and working as a team to make sure we don't repeat reactive habits (as much as possible!) And we are doing a better job of supporting each other. It doesn't mean that just this morning we had a vicious name-calling session (following a beautiful "Good Morning to..." song with snuggies, then dance/video party with our friends Jack, Brett and Michael Franti :-) but I have faith that by the time Teagan is their age (hopefully younger!) such blow ups will only happen rarely over things they really care about (not who is closest to the new constructed Lego castle at breakfast...I know, my fault for letting them bring toys to the table...)
Truthfully, I only feel guilty that Kevin still have to go to work each day...he wasn't feeling well this morning, but felt like he had to go in because he's missed so much. I know he's so work oriented that he needs that sense of satisfaction, I only wish that it could be dong something driven by him...watch out when that day comes...
As for me, I feel like that day has come. I took a full month of maternity leave together with Kevin, but when I started back in I felt so ready to go. It didn't matter that I was slightly sleep deprived...in fact last night I actually didn't sleep a wink! And even though there are moments of feeling overwhelmed or self-doubting, I still quickly snap out of it, realizing how incredibly amazing it is to be creating the life of my deepest desires and wildest imagination. I have absolute faith that I am laying the foundation for my life's work and calling. I may not yet know exactly what that will look like, and there will no doubt be life lessons along the way, but I am confident I have already begun to sow more seeds of beauty, joy and grace that I can even fathom. Just looking into the eyes of my children tells me this truth.
I feel like I could write all day, but alas there is laundry to do on top of a laundry list(s) :-) Suffice to say, I'm loving this gig...laundry and all.
