Yet, on a family level, it feels like life mostly continues as normal.
Even after I had an emergency surgery on Good Friday, we all sat down for our traditional pizza dinner, almost as though it was just another Friday. The Easter Bunny still came, and we sat in our front-and-center pew, although I was buzzed on pain meds. After a long nap, we made it to the neighborhood egg hunt, where I unapologetically drank several ales in the afternoon sunshine.
Now two weeks later, I'm back to spending my "day off" dropping kids off, volunteering in classroom, spending way too much at Costco, and soon heading to a YP gathering to see what Makenna has been learning about firefighters...then we'll have close friends over for a pizza dinner.
Yet, even though I'm feeling miraculously better, I'm still feeling emotionally tenuous. It's like tears are very close to the surface. It doesn't take more than a song or a thought to get them rolling again. I know it's partly hormonal (I had one ovary/tube removed after discovering an ectopic pregnancy), and I'm even still have my hCG levels checked to make sure they are waning. But the loss still feels very feel.
Thankfully, the kids keep me constantly preoccupied. I don't have the time to sit around feeling sorry for myself, nor would I want to really. They bring be joy in the most fundamental ways. Their mannerisms. Their smiles. Their eyes lighting up when I enter the room. Nothing can beat that feeling.
I'm also nearly the anniversary of my father's death, and I remember listening to the Beatles Ohbladi at last year's country fair. It felt like my personal theme song. My dreams of a "loving family and sustainable home" are coming true, but life is still a constant, and with that comes loss, grief, friendship, empowerment, and joy.
Since I don't think you can say it enough, thank you. Thank you for being part of my life, for being my friends and family, for loving me just the way I am. Life does go on...
Darcy Rose
Thanks for sharing sis! Life does indeed go on. Being on the road after a year, I realize that nothing has changed, though I certainly have. Hang in there, and this too shall change.
ReplyDeleteLove ya,
Miel